The Naked Truth
by barkeep
Summary: Sometimes you get more than you bargained for...


Title: The Naked Truth  
Author: Barkeep  
Rating: PG  
Category: general/humor/implied m/m relationship  
Pairing: John/Rodney  
Disclaimer: Sadly, not mine.  
Spoilers: none  
Author's Notes: Thanks to Sweens for the betas and unflagging encouragement.  
Summary: Folks are getting more than they bargained for, in more ways than one.

Elizabeth had her hand raised to knock on the door for the third time when it opened abruptly, revealing the annoyed face of John Sheppard.

"Oh! Major, I was just about to give up hope. I need a moment of your time, please." Elizabeth gestured at his living quarters, "May I come in?" Sheppard blinked, frowning as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair and she wondered if she'd just woken him from a nap.

"I promise to be brief," she said, smiling as she pushed her way past him and into the room. "And then you can get back to whatever it was that you were doing."

"Yeah, umm, actually this isn't a great time for me. Could we maybe do this later?" John said attempting to usher her back out the door.

"I just need two minutes," Elizabeth said, handing him a clipboard. "Check this maintenance schedule the engineers came up with for the puddle jumpers. If you're satisfied with it, sign at the bottom."

Frowning at the clipboard, Sheppard cocked his head in confusion. "Right. Maintenance. Why am I signing off on maintenance schedules?"

"Because you're the ranking military officer and, aside from Rodney, you probably know more about the puddle jumpers than anyone." She gave him a sly smile as she handed him a pen. "Besides, from what the engineers tell me, you're somewhat fanatical about how the ships are treated."

John snorted as he quickly scanned the document. "Rumors, lies and exaggerations," he muttered as he scrawled his signature on the paper. "Here you go," he said with a forced smile as he handed her back the clipboard and herded her toward the door.

"Thank you, Major." Elizabeth paused at the door. She had the distinct feeling that John was trying to get rid of her and she wanted to know why. "Oh, there is one more thing I wanted to discuss with you."

John's expression didn't betray anything but his jaw muscle developed a prominent tic. "Look, Elizabeth, this _really_ isn't a good time-" John began but was interrupted when the bathroom door opened.

Elizabeth stared as Rodney McKay barged in from John's bathroom with one towel wrapped around his waist, vigorously drying his hair with another. Before she could announce herself, Rodney finished drying off and dropped both towels on the floor

"John," Rodney said plaintively, reaching for a pile of clothes, "I thought you were going to-" he froze as he turned and finally caught sight of a gaping Elizabeth, "…join me." He finished, in a weak voice.

Rodney blinked hard several times and then began an immediate verbal backpedal. "Ah… join me… for the uh, testing, in the lab, with the… thing," he stammered as his hands made little abortive fluttering gestures towards his clothes.

Sheppard's jaw muscle started working double-time but he attempted to rally. "Right. The thing… at the lab. I was just on my way there when Elizabeth showed up _unexpectedly_."

"Ah well, I'll just catch up with you there then," Rodney replied. His hands twitched towards his clothes one last time before he folded his arms across his chest, thrusting out his chin defiantly as if daring anyone to comment on his nudity.

Schooling her features and trying to keep the mirth from her voice, Elizabeth asked, "Rodney, why are you using Major Sheppard's shower?"

Rodney opened and closed his mouth a few times, sending a panicked look in the other man's direction. "I, well, you see," Rodney began, "funny story actually, um-"

"His shower broke," Sheppard interrupted smoothly.

"Yes, it broke. And Major Sheppard was kind enough to offer his…" Rodney's voice trailed off as his eyes met John's for a long moment and then skittered away, "…his, ah, shower, until I could find a more permanent solution."

The tension in the room was palpable as Elizabeth looked from Sheppard to McKay and back, making sure to keep her eyes firmly above the waist. She let the moment stretch out, keeping the men off balance while she decided how to handle this unexpected and unwanted glimpse into the private lives of her flagship team.

"Fine, then." Elizabeth said, breaking the silence. "Major, I'll speak to you about that other matter later since Dr. McKay seems to already have plans for you today." She concealed a smile at Rodney's involuntary twitch and added, innocently, "In the lab. With the _thing_ that you're both so eager to get to work on."

Smoothly she turned to Sheppard, her serious gaze belying her light tone as she asked, "I have your assurance that your plans with Dr. McKay will not in any way be detrimental to your team or the Atlantis mission?"

"Yes, ma'am. You can rest assured of that." Sheppard answered, without any trace of his normal impertinence.

Elizabeth considered them both for a long moment before nodding at them both. "Good day, gentlemen," she said as she turned and left. As the door closed behind her she let out a huge sigh. _There is no way that this can end well,_ she thought as she walked slowly back to her office.

Sheppard closed his eyes and grimaced as the door shut behind Elizabeth. "Dammit."

He sighed and leaned against the door, looking at Rodney who was still standing by the bed, naked and in shock. "You realize what just happened, right?"

"Elizabeth just saw me naked," Rodney answered in a stunned voice.

"Yeah. In _m_y room."

"So? Me. Naked here." Rodney sat down abruptly. "How am I going to face her in a meeting?"

"Focus, Rodney." John said, thumping the back of his head against the door. "We just outed ourselves to the boss."

"We… we didn't," Rodney argued. "We covered it up with the story about the lab… and the broken shower and…" he trailed off weakly. John was right, they didn't fool anyone with that story.

John didn't say anything; he just gave Rodney that _look_ – the one that Rodney had come to associate with Very Bad Things, like a Wraith sneaking up behind you.

Rodney rolled his eyes at John's grave non-verbal assessment of the situation. "Oh come on, we're in another galaxy. It's not like Elizabeth's going to court martial you."

"It's not Liz that I'm worried about." John said as he joined Rodney on the bed, both of them flopping onto their backs in unison.

Rodney snorted. "You could've fooled me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, please." Rodney said, parroting John's words back at him in a mocking tone. "Yes, ma'am. I promise I won't let my illicit relationship with another man interfere with my duties. Have you always been such a blatant ass kisser?"

"You weren't complaining earlier."

Rodney looked over to see John leering outrageously at him and he couldn't help laughing. "True," he said, dropping easily into their usual banter. "I suppose you do have your uses. I guess I have to learn to take the good with the bad and be thankful for the little things." Rodney said, with a pointed glance, putting on the air of a long-suffering martyr.

"Yeah, well, I guess we should just be thankful for the _little things_, like the fact that it was you that got caught in the buff. I mean, if Liz had seen _me_ naked it would have been much worse. She would have been ruined for anyone else and I don't know if I could live with that on my conscience."

John barely had time to enjoy Rodney's outraged squawk before he found himself being pummeled, in a surprisingly effective manner, with his own pillow. _Mental note,_ John thought as he struggled against the bigger man, _cut back on Rodney's hand-to-hand training with Teyla._

"Okay, okay," John gasped between blows, "Truce!" Rodney landed a few more choice blows and then took mercy on him and stopped. With a jubilant grin, Rodney flopped back down next to him on the bed, tucking the pillow under his head triumphantly.

John lay on the bed, rubbing at a sore spot on his ear and marveling at the fact that he had just gotten thrashed by a scientist. A naked and sarcastic scientist. A naked, sarcastic scientist that he was sleeping with – and Elizabeth now knew about it. John was rapidly moving from marveling to panicking when an insistent finger in the ribs interrupted him. Turning his head, John saw Rodney peering at him, eyes narrowed in concentration.

"Here's something I never thought I'd say to you." Rodney said, reaching out and tapping him on the forehead. "You're over-thinking." He deftly cut off John's imminent protest with a withering glance. "And besides, it's infinitely more likely that this situation will resolve itself before it ever becomes an issue."

John stared at him for a moment, a mixture of confusion and hurt evident on his face. "You're saying that we're going to get tired of each other?"

"No, you idiot, I'm saying that in all likelihood we won't live long enough to get tired of each other. We'll probably be annihilated by some ancient device or killed by a Wraith long before we reach that point."

"What a comforting thought, Rodney, thank you. So, it's 'eat, drink, and be merry... for tomorrow we die'? That's pretty fatalistic even for you."

"I'm just saying that we've got enough to worry about. Comparatively, this," Rodney laid a warm hand on John's chest, "isn't really even a blip on the radar."

John thought about that for a moment before relaxing under Rodney's hand and adding, "For anyone else."

Rodney swallowed and lowered his eyes to where his hand rested on John's chest. "For anyone else," he agreed quietly.


End file.
